When the war began in my country in 2022, I was forced to leave my homeland—and everything dear to my heart: my family, my friends, my home, my workshop filled with tools and years of my creations. It felt as though a piece of my soul had stayed behind. A year of wandering through Europe followed, lost in uncertainty, with no understanding of what would come next…

Who are you
when everything that defined you is gone?
Now you are no one. Nowhere.
Only endless uncertainty, the heavy aftermath of war in the mind, and a hollow apathy toward everything.

In the fall of 2023, I moved to America—Washington State—and it was like a breath of fresh air. Slowly, things began to settle: daily life, connections. But the urge to create still lay dormant…

…Then I realized—a great cleansing of my inner world awaited me. I had to dig up the roots of every limiting belief choking my creativity, tear out the weeds, and plant new seeds in fertile soil…
And of course, I chose to do it through creation. The first issue gnawing at me? A complete lack of inner discipline. Chaos in my mind, chaos in my heart, a stagnant existence offering no fulfillment…

But creative labor—that has always been my salvation.

And so, in January 2024, my first American work was born: Setting the Intention of Inner Discipline…

This entire series became a prolonged meditation—working with color as a gateway to states of being, a ritual to reignite my creative spark, to summon back inspiration, to awaken the passion for shaping worlds through pigment and line. Because for me, a life without creation is not life at all—only a shadow of existence.

The paints I used for these first pieces? A tiny, cheap set bought on sale—just in case, "what if, someday, the desire returns?"
And then—a small miracle. That humble little set gave me something immense: joy. I felt something stirring inside. Not inspiration yet… but no longer silence.

The work is filled with squares—because I needed to build a foundation, brick by brick, of inner discipline (to absorb every skill that could fuel an active, creative life), to kindle the inner fire that forges reality itself. Passion! I craved more passion! More flavor in life! I wanted to desire again!

To express myself to the World, to reveal myself to the World. My perception, my unique experience—through the lens of creativity.

This always pushes beyond comfort zones. You’ve got to be sharp, piercing, unapologetically vivid—otherwise, why even exist?
But to express yourself, you’ve got to have something to express in the first place. ))

And of course, the only thing you can truly manifest is Energy.

Assuming you’ve got any, that is. )

This conscious work on the canvas became for me the dawn of The Hunt for Energy—tracking down the leaks, refilling the strategic reserves…
With sheer determination and trust in God—that’s what I packed for this journey

Then I realized that, as a creative soul, I am inherently chaotic—and my mind needed structure.

I wanted it to work for me, not the other way around… to no longer be led by its whims, but to master it.

So I set my intention for the next meditative canvas: to cultivate strategic thinking, to weave order from the storm, to build architectures of thought and algorithms of clarity.

            It was something like what good old Grandpa Jung might have called letting the Animus rise...
        

The Dragon—a symbol of something mighty and immense, unseen in our tangible world, yet bearing a fiery essence. And what could this be, if not our very Spirit?

Rendered in luminous neon-green, the Dragon brims with potential, rising from the frozen depths of oblivion like the first sprout after a long winter... its flames flickering with untamed life...

What knowledge called to those brave hearts, sending them on a perilous journey of quests and trials?… What divine Gift awaited them at the end of the Path?

To this day, I have found no answer to these soul-stirring questions—but each new day granted to me, each chance to ask anew, is a blessing beyond measure!

The art of questioning oneself begets many insights…
and the more insights arise, the more the inner chaos rages…
all that is murky rises from the depths into this storm.

Chaos within me would surge and swell, then dissolve.
At times, clear contours emerged—visible, almost tangible understandings—
only for the dark abyss of nothingness to swallow them again,
devouring the light that had just been dancing moments before.

Ordered chaos—how to gather all the fragments of this mosaic of personal experience
and assemble from them something utterly new and beautiful?

What is this feeling of gratitude? Where does it arise from, and what does it whisper to the world?

Love—unconditional love, overflowing from a heart so full it spills over ))

This is, perhaps, the grandest canvas I’ve ever painted. How does one embrace the boundless? )) Oh, what a spectacle of colors I’ve conjured here!

And why not?

Why not?...

Everything in this life is possible

The next stage of my first year—my year of adaptation in America—became an exploration of Will. As a phenomenon, this concept too comes from somewhere beyond, from the metaphysical, the inexplicable and unknowable—you can’t touch it, yet it decides so much…
Will—the instrument of manifestation…
With it, you can break (yourself, for example),
Yet also build—the structure of your life…

And I entered into it through the lush green of summer grass… when the storms had passed, and the rains had washed away winter’s sorrows, when the spring thunderstorms had faded and the sun caressed the earth—the grass grew wild, warm, fertile… so very earthly.

And white! Piercing white, swiftly tearing through the blissful calm of green.
Clear light—it is all-pervading. The Shadow cannot hide from it, nor can laziness escape—it will find and expose them all, disarm every villain—
Ah-ha-ha!

A little rhyme came out

It seems you already understand everything about yourself—
even what must be done. Yet something always holds you back from taking that first step toward the challenge of becoming another.

As if invisible chains keep you bound to the portrait of your past, your attachment to old habits rendering your Spirit sluggish, dull.

What are these limiting beliefs, and where do they hide within me?
And what if I were to cast them off—these base settings—and rewrite my very hard drive?

This could be fun, I caught myself thinking...

And then—it began. ))

And what does that mean? It means being honest—first and foremost with oneself.

Lately, I’ve noticed how often people drown in self-deception, weaving countless excuses for why this isn’t really so…

Yes, it’s difficult to face oneself as one truly is. But without that truth, the Path remains unseen—shrouded in fog, devoid of clarity, without direction…

When honesty is absolute, the weight of words transforms, and manifestation becomes lightning-swift—almost mythical in its power.

How wondrous this World is! And yet, how astonishing how deeply a person can bury themselves in the mundane…

But each has their own Way…

To awaken the Dragon within.
To unleash the sunshine of the spotless mind into the world…
To stretch the boundaries of one’s comfort zone.
To shed the old shell

Oh, metamorphosis! How thrilling it feels…
To grow just a little beyond one’s limits…
And so, each day—this game may yet unfold in the most intriguing ways…

From where does it arise?
And why does it sometimes vanish, leaving behind a void where nothing brings joy—not new experiences, not new possessions (no matter how grand), not even the dawn of a new day?

Once, I too looked upon adults and wondered—how strange, why are they so joyless?
Yet in recent years, I have come to know that same dullness, that same indifference to life. And it is unbearable—an existence without the rapture of creation is but a flavorless husk…

I have learned that the desire to live requires energy—it is the primal force, the weaver of reality’s fabric, the cause and the consequence…
This year has brought many revelations,
but the greatest is this: one must keep the trinity of being pure and in balance—the physical, the psychic, and the mental. This triad is the fabled "Holy Trinity"—its harmony begets energy, and energy grants everything—joy, desire, inspiration, action—everything!

All that you could ever wish for!